TOP TEN TOYS for BDSM Play
Many aspiring kinksters ask me what they need to get started with their kinky toy arsenal. Fetish toys are usually expensive, so this list will give you my favourite and most versatile toys. Of course, what you get will be strongly guided by your own personal fetish interests - this is just a guide for beginners who have no clue what to get first. As your toy box grows, you'll figure out what your own favorites are!
1) Collar
A good quality leather collar will last you a lifetime and you'll ALWAYS find use for it in sessions. It's the one item that fits 90% of fantasies and which immediately puts the sub in a subservient mode. I do not recommend using a piece of rope or string as a collar for beginners as that can be dangerous for strangulation. A collar should fit snugly but not so tight that the sub has trouble breathing. You can take their breath away in other ways… But if you are on a budget, pet stores are your friend. Actually, some of my favourite collars were originally made for dogs and cats. They are sturdy and come in many varieties to suit all kinky fashion tastes. Note: a rubber collar is also versatile for watersports.
2) Blindfold
Although there is a massive range of blindfolds available, you can probably save some cash on this item by getting creative. As you may remember from 50 Shades of Grey, a tie can come in handy for multiple uses. Even after all these years as a Domme, I still prefer to use a soft satin scarf, instead of a ready-made leather blindfold. They are easy to wash and weigh nothing in my toy bag. Of course, if you start a kinky play on the fly, you can use so many things as a blindfold. Think: stockings, pantihose, long socks, pillowcase… I even used my sweaty yoga leggings a few times, with added scent as a bonus!
3) Rope
You can spend serious money on leather restraints, but you can do a lot more with rope. Start with a simple cotton cord from hardware or sailing/marine shops, where you can buy it by the meter. Get 25 meters, and cut it into 2x 2.5m (for wrists), 2x 5m (feet & legs), 1x 10m (body harness). Rope enthusiasts & Shibari/Kunbaku artists will have their specs for how long rope should be, and which fibers are best. But for a beginner (unless you're crazy about bondage and want to jump into that straight away), basic soft cotton or even some soft synthetic fibers work. Just be sure that the rope is between 8mm to 15mm: too thin will dig into the skin making it too painful; too thick will be hard to knot and will get loose too easily. While you’re at it, you might want to do some research on rope bondage safety, as playing with ropes can be hazardous if you’re not aware of what you’re doing. If you cannot find a kink workshop or Shibari dojo in your city, YouTube tutorials will help you get started.
4) Sensation play toys, featuring Vampire Gloves!
The key about sensation play is texture. Here you might tie up and blindfold your submissive/bottom and then run a variety of different textures over their skin. Feathers, a silicone basting brush or even a loose piece of suede or fur are great for the soft sensations. The strands of a flogger work great for this! On the sharp side, a pinwheel or a spiky goth bracelet are great fun and easy to find. Even a fork can create very intense sensations. My favourite sensation toys are my Vampire gloves, leather gloves covered in tiny spikes. They are a bit expensive but totally worth it!
5) Clamps or clothes pegs.
Pegs are fun and cheap little toys that can be attached to sensitive regions. Think: nipples, labia, testicles, or even other body parts. I love placing them on earlobes. The pressure cuts circulation to the area making it numb. Once removed, the blood returns to the area giving an intense sensation. To test the strength of the pegs, place them on the webbing of your fingers (or other sensitive spots, if you dare) so you get the feeling for what your sub will experience. You can get quite strong clothes pegs at hardware shops or kitchen stores.
6) Flogger (Whip)
This is one item worth investing in. I recommend you to go a specialized fetish/BDSM shop or sex shop. Buying online when you don't have experience is a nightmare. I recommend starting with a soft leather flogger with strands 8-10mm thick and 50-100cm/INCHES long. Shorter floggers are easier to manage and aim than long ones. When you are in the shop, run the leather against your skin to feel its texture and give your thigh some stronger whacks. I always recommend all doms (beginners or not!) to try toys on themselves first to get a feel for the sensation.
7) Riding crop
You're better off getting actual riding crops from equestrian shops, as they will last longer and are often quite inexpensive when compared to what you get at sex shops. The key here is to make sure the tip is wide (~3cm across) and made of sturdy leather. You should be aiming to only hit with the tip, avoiding the rod part as that will give the effect of a cane, a much harsher toy and not recommended for beginners.
8) Strap-on harness, attachments & vibrators
One might assume strap-ons are mainly a tool for women, however hollow/strap-on sleeves are available at some web-shops, so men might appreciate this option anyway. Besides, extra “cocks” or vibrators are always a good thing around greedy sluts when your biological cock wants to have a break!
If you want to turn your sub into a little slut, then all holes should be explored. One of the benefits of using a strap-on is that you can use a different dildo for each purpose. So for your starter kit, the most important piece - what you should spend most money on- is the harness. The first harness I got was a silly glorified PVC panty which fell apart within the first year of use. However, it taught me all that a strap on should NOT be. So here is your cheat sheet so you don’t have to go through the trouble I had:
A. For durability, you want your harness made of medium to thick leather. Some rubber fetishists will vouch for their rubber harnesses, but these are harder to find, and the ones available at sex shops tend to be made of soft latex, which will tear apart. It may feel good to wear, but it will likely tear once your sub can take more vigorous thrusting. Thick leather is also less porous than PVC, so it is easier to spray and wipe with disinfectant, which suits my regular use better. I love this style, by The Switch Leather co.
There are also a couple of strap-ons made of heavy lycra and velcro jock straps (ex: Joque by Spareparts). These are super comfortable and adjustable, but the fabric will absorb lube and body juices meaning you’ll need to wash it after each use. If you are mainly using it with one partner, and don’t play too often, this is an excellent choice!
B. Straps should be adjustable and not too thin, or they will dig into your skin. The harness should fit you snugly, so each band should be adjustable for your comfort and ease of use.
C. It should accommodate different dildo sizes. One of the great advantages of "strapping one on" is that you can swap cocks for different functions. So, don’t short change yourself with a single dildo harness. Some brands make specific dildo attachment systems (like Vac-u-lock), but I find these will limit the range of dildos that will fit your harness. If that company changes their locking design, you won’t be able to add new toys to that same harness. A simple hole with ring attachment
D. The cock hole (where you'll attach the different dildos) should sit on your pelvis. This is a pet peeve of mine... I don’t understand how so many of the harnesses available place the cock hole somewhere between the crotch and the belly button... I find that very uncomfortable for a natural thrusting motion. A dildo should sit where a cock would be (if the wearer had a biological penis). On that note, a thigh strap-on could be useful for some purposes, but that’s a different toy altogether.
With one sturdy harness that fits you well, you can start trying different cocks. As a start, get your three musketeers: 1) a thin long dildo (5-6 inches long, 1 inch thick), 2) one of similar length but thicker (1.5-2 inches thick), and 3) something a bit thicker and longer to aspire towards (and for humiliation/threat play). Let’s not forget d'Artagnan, the 4th musketeer. This is a medium (same as #2), and a soft, bendy dildo to be used only for oral training. Why soft? So it will curve into your sub’s throat, reducing training time dramatically. A rigid/solid dildo will keep banging into the back of the throat without going deeper (which is what our subby sluts are gagging for… pun very much intended!).
Finally, as part of this multi-part item, vibrators are always fun toys to own. No point advising on type as it’s usually a very personal choice. I have a variety, some small bullets to strategically place between the strap-on harness and my undies, handheld dildo vibes, powerful AC powered 7-speed “body massagers”. If you’re anything like me, you’ll end up collecting vibes and dildos. I love displaying my wall of cocks.
9) Inflatable, vibrating butt plug
Anal play gets a bad rap as being too risque for girls ("only sluts do that") or boys ("only gay guys do that"). Yet, there is no reason to fear it. I will elaborate more on the physiological and psychological implications of anal play in a different article (meanwhile check my GAIP anal video guide). Suffice to say, if you choose to venture into the back door of desire, you might easily fall prey to the thousands of shiny, rubbery, and shapely insertibles available on the market. The best way to start is with a small or medium inflatable plug. That way after a bit of slow fingering, the plug can be inserted and slowly inflated as the recipient gets accustomed to the sensations. If you find one with a vibrating function all the better! A little vibration adds extra pleasure, and for those newbies still lost in the mental taboo of this type of play, the vibration intensifies the sexuality of the experience. Anal play deserves a few blog entries, so send in your questions on the topic, and I will can expand your horizons... Maybe in more ways than one!
Make sure to read item 10 (below) for some good tips on hygiene and cleaning up for anal toys!
10) Condoms, latex gloves, lube & cleaning.
I always use condoms on my penetration toys. It is safer when you play with multiple people and it makes it a breeze to clean, especially if you're doing anal play (still wash your dildos after each use, even when using condoms!). Disposable latex gloves are also a must for play that involves body fluids. Besides, it adds a medical fetish component to the play.
Spread Love & Lube! If you plan on doing genital or anal play, lubricants are always good to have. I love the Aussie brand Wet Stuff. Yes, that’s really what it’s called. And it’s bloody great, mate! They make both water based, silicon based or mixed lubes. And they even sell them in 5 liter jugs, so you can decant into our reusable lube bottles. How sustainable! For anal play, I prefer silicone lube as it mixes less with body juices, making cleaning much easier.
I’m nuts about coconut. If you are body fluid monogamous or using non-latex condoms, I also recommend coconut oil as lube. In fact that’s my preference for private sex, as it doesn’t dry for a long time or get sticky like some lubes. You can use it for massage, so it’s easy to transition from foreplay into full sex. It’s moisturizing for the skin, so will keep your genitals supple. You can easily find it in supermarkets and it’s quite inexpensive. And of course, it’s edible! Get the food grade oil, rather than cosmetic “massage oil”, as the latter might have perfumes and additives which could be irritating for the genitals. Just remember to decant the oil into a bowl before play instead of double dipping your horny fingers into the jar during play. Body juices can make the oil go off sooner - you don’t want moldy oil in your genitals. I actually keep separate coconut oil jars - one for the bedroom and one for the kitchen.
And last, but not least, the cleaning products. In my dungeon/play kit I always like to have spray bottles of the following:
1. Dettol double dilution (2:1), or a similar sanitizer/disinfectant liquid.
2. Soapy water (preferably antibacterial soap)
3. Baby wipes and/or antibacterial body wipes.
4. Viraclean (or your local alternative) hospital grade antibacterial and antiviral cleaner. This must be potent stuff.
Different levels of mess will require different levels of cleaning.
1. Skin contact alone; e.g. a light flogging session, or sitting on a spanking bench: use Dettol.
2. To clean any mess on skin, I use antibacterial body wipes or baby wipes, and then paper wipes for drying. If a sub gets particularly messy, they go into the shower.
3. Latex Play? Only soapy water will clear away that pesky slippery silicon lube… In some cases, I’ll use soapy water first and THEN Dettol. It doesn’t hurt to double up on the cleaning.
4. Finally, to clean any implements that had direct contact with genital areas and to wipe body fluids leakage on equipment, (e.g. pre-cum, blood), snap on a pair of gloves and use Viraclean and paper wipes.
If there is a small cut on the body, I apply everyday first aid (clean, disinfect, cover). This might be stating the obvious, but have a basic first aid kit in your play area for one of life’s little accidents (which are more than likely to make a visit or two during your kink experiments).
Note: Blood play and urethral sounds require an extra level of cleaning and disinfecting, but these will be discussed separately, as they are not beginner activities.
11) Wild Card! But didn’t I say top ten toys? Of course, each kinkster will also have their own set of toys according to their particular fetishes. As you’re building up your basic kit with the 10 items above, then you will probably find “that TOY” which will make you tingle with anticipation… That might be a chastity device, an electro-play gadget, or a puppy dog mask. As you are starting up, I recommend taking it easy on getting a lot of toys! Get the basic kit and start playing with it. When you start exploring kink, you may find some activities you really adore and for others you quickly lose interest. So have fun exploring with the toys you have and finding multiple ways of using them. Clean and look after your toys and they will last you a lifetime of horny exploration. I am a big supporter of sustainability, and so within kink this also applies. Getting cheap toys made in Asia usually means they will break sooner and create more trash. Instead of craving more and more toys, why not strive to expand our kink skills so we can do more with less. After all, our body, our mind, and our presence can communicate our dominance so much better than any shiny new toy.
With this list and your curiosity, now comes the fun part! Shopping! I wish you good luck in building your Top Ten Toys kit. Your visit to the hardware store will never be the same again…
Kinky Blessings!
Mistress Mercury