A good quality leather collar will last you a lifetime and you'll ALWAYS find use for it in sessions. It's the one item that fits 90% of fantasies and which immediately puts your sub in a subservient mode. Alternative: a thick and sturdy rubber collar is also versatile for watersports. ;-)
You could spend some money on leather restraints, but you can do a lot more with rope. Start with a simple cotton cord from hardware or sailing/marine shops, where you can buy it by the meter. Get 25 meters, and cut it into 2x 2.5m(wrists), 2x 5m(feet & legs), 1x 10m (body harness). Rope enthusiasts & Shibari/Kunbaku artists will have their specs for how long rope should be, and which fibers are best. But for a beginner (unless you're crazy about bondage and want to jump into that straight away), basic soft cotton works. Just be sure that the rope is between 8mm to 15mm: too thin will dig into the skin making it too painful; too thick will be hard to knot and will get loose too easily. While you’re at it, you might want to do some research on rope bondage safety, as playing with ropes can be hazardous if you’re not aware of what you’re doing.
3) Clamps or clothes pegs.
Pegs are fun and cheap little toys that can be attached to sensitive regions. Think: nipples, labia, testicles, or even other body parts. I love placing them on earlobes. The pressure cuts circulation to the area making it numb. Once removed, the blood returns to the area giving an intense sensation. To test the strength of the pegs, place them on the webbing of your fingers (or other sensitive spots, if you dare) so you get a feel for what your sub is experiencing…
This is one item worth investing in, if you ask me. Go to a specialized fetish/BDSM shop. Buying online when you don't have experience is a nightmare. I recommend starting with a soft leather flogger with strands 8-10mm thick and 50-100cm/INCHES long. Shorter floggers are easier to manage and aim than really long ones. Run the leather against your skin and give your thigh some stronger whacks. I always recommend all doms (beginners or not!) to try toys on themselves first to get a feel for the sensation (watch out for my upcoming Impact Play 101 video blog for more tips!). Check the fetish shops list on iFet’s marketplace corner [Link to marketplace]
5) Riding crop
Warning!!! Many sex shops sell poor quality riding crops. You're better off getting actual crops from equestrian shops. The key here is to make sure the tip is wide (~3cm across) and made of sturdy leather. You should be aiming to only hit with the tip avoiding the rod part as that will give the effect of a cane, a much harsher toy (not recommended for beginners).
6) Strap-on harness, attachments & vibrations
A note of warning, this accessory is mainly for the ladies, yet again, hollow ones/strap-on sleeves are available at some web-shops, so the gents might appreciate this option anyway. Besides, extra “cocks” or vibrators are always a good thing around greedy sluts when your biological cock wants to have a break!
At this point, we are just discussing the hardware (stay tuned for the theory in the coming weeks). Now aside from anal play, dildos can also be used for other orifices. If you want to turn your sub into a little slut, then all holes should be explored. One of the benefits of using a strap-on is that you can use a different dildo for each purpose. So for your starter kit, the most important piece (ie. what you should spend most money on) is the harness. The first harness I got way back was a silly glorified PVC panty which fell apart within the first year of use. However, it taught me all that a strap on should NOT be. So here is your cheat sheet so you don’t have to go through the trouble I had:
A. For durability, you want your harness made of leather. Some rubber fetishists will vouch for their rubber harnesses, but these are harder to find, and the ones available at sex shops tend to be made of soft latex. It may feel good to wear, but it will likely tear once your sub can take more vigorous thrusting...
B. Straps should be adjustable. The harness should fit you snugly, so each band should be adjustable for your comfort and ease of use.
C. It should accommodate different dildo sizes. One of the great advantages of "strapping one on" is that you can swap cocks for different functions. So, don’t short change yourself with a single dildo harness.
D. The cock hole (where you'll attach the different dildos) should sit on your pelvis. This is a pet peeve of mine... I don’t understand how so many of the harnesses available place the cock hole somewhere between the crotch and the belly button... What the...? Do you thrust with your pelvic bone or with your tummy? A dildo should sit where a cock would be (if the wearer had a natural penis).