Kalyss Mercury

- Domination & Submission - Fetish - Kink Coaching - 

WARNING: This site contains adult fetish and BDSM material that is NOT SUITABLE for MINORS (under 18 years old) or WORK environments. Discretion is recommended.

sub Stories: Tantric Toy by Johnny "Loose Lips"

Ms Mercury had done no more than whisper softly in his ear. The sound of Her voice, gentle, soothing, even nurturing and the sensation of Her breath in his ear had caused his body almost to vibrate with physical overload. Ms Mercury with just three words uttered almost inaudibly had caused the release of so many different chemicals and sensations of pleasure that even his aching muscles had been revitalized.

‘Have you missed me?’

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Consensualy Enslaved

Immediately I was jolted into the awareness of my privilege. My family were slave owners, my parents carried on the cultural servitude of my “black mother”, and now I am a Domina, mistress of countless consensual slaves. In all these years of pro-domming, have I been unconsciously cleansing the karma of my family through replaying slavery but now with consent, kindness and concern for my "servants"? Or are my actions a rebalancing of the fairness scales, as most of my subs are rich, white, privileged males? 

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Tantric Domination: The Art of Dancing to Flow

I must warn you. Even though I have years of experience in this field, I feel intimidated in trying to explain this concept.


Firstly, tantra itself is a huge topic, with so many styles, interpretations and separate practices. Domination/ BDSM/ kink; that's also quite a wide topic, and despite its current spike in popularity, it is still quite taboo for mainstream society. Furthermore, both tantra and BDSM are embodied, experiential practices. I can describe what a spanking feels like, in minute detail. But it will never come close to the actual physical and emotional experience. With Tantra, this is even more so, because there are extra layers; ego patterns, attachment styles, your kundalini energy, romantic projections, cultural programming... yes, all your identity and soul get involved when you start dabbling in tantra.


So, how can I even begin to explain Tantric Domination? For many years, I've been inspired by the idea of tantric domination. At first, I thought it was simply BDSM play with a conscious intent. Kinky play can be intense, and often involves a considerable exchange of energy between the players. Applying an intention to intense energy exchange, is another word for magic. Some branches of Tantra play with the concept of sex magic, as a means for psycho-spiritual development. As a science  and psychology enthusiast, I don't like the word magic. But I do recognise the power of focused intention and commitment. The human body & brain are capable of so much that we cannot yet explain. In fact,  "miracles" of science are often outcomes of focused intention, deep study, and dedicated effort, with trust in the hypothesis and an open mind to the results.


A similar process happens with tantric domination. Except, in this case, we use more of the body's intellect, starting with deeper breathing. Even without being an expert meditator or yoga buff, the simple use of breath and dynamic sound can take us deeper into presence, into quieting our minds and feeling our bodies more. The more we feel, the more we open the gates of subconscious competence- the intuition- the emotional part of our brains which is much more powerful than logical thinking. The more we feel our bodies, the more we become open to “flow”. According to Sagarin & his colleagues, “flow is a highly pleasurable and satisfying mental state involving intense absorption and optimal performance on an activity such as sports or music” (2015). Some of you might recognise the idea of flow. It's a feeling of effortless competence. Like a jazz band in perfect groove, or surfing the perfect swell, or tango dancers in tune, and athletes in "the zone". What is "Perfect", really? Isn't it a matter of feeling? Of a moment of "just right"?

If you managed to get your head and heart around that concept/feeling, now imagine being in pure flow within a domination scenario. You've done that already- in your fantasies, your horny daydreams. “But yeah, in real life, fetish dreams are never quite as intense, alive, or ... perfect, right?”  Wrong. Research shows that consensual BDSM play can promote altered states of consciousness (Ambler et al., 2017). Using focused attention and an opening our bodies to our intuitive nature, flow becomes a lot easier. And in the case of Tantric BDSM, these altered states can outshine our fantasies beyond expectation, because our rational minds alone will never be as creative as the subconscious part of our brains. Are you salivating at the thought of that? "But Mistress, how can that be possible? How can you do this?!"


Ah, but here is the beauty of it. It's not about me. I am not some extraterrestrial goddess who'll perform some magic on you. I'm in the wave of flow as much as you are. I don't "do" anything special. I just breathe and surrender to my subconscious flow. Funny that huh? You'll surrender to me, while I surrender to Flow, the ultimate Domina. This is what we call surrendered leadership (I can share more about that on another article). Rather than a strict rehearsed scenario, I only use a rough outline of the activities we will explore. The outline is defined by the overlap between your and my fetish interests. When we meet, I open and feel my body and what it desires to do to you. I feel your body and how it responds. Then we surf the waves of “flow”. The fact that I have more than 15 years experience in BDSM techniques only helps me see the waves more clearly. My body is used to the toys, they are almost an extension of my hands. My mind has played this dance of consensual inequality for thousands of hours, with countless faces and bodies.


Now, a little disclaimer… You may have heard that in Tantra there is no peak orgasm (contracting/ejaculation). I prefer to think of it as not having the orgasm as a goal. Similarly, we shouldn't aim to “catch flow”. In tantric practice, the point is to feel every moment, without the expectations of peak orgasm, flow or in fact to have no "point" or goal at all. It is not a competition to get to a particular destination. The more open minded (and open bodied) we are, the more we can tap into flow. Can I guarantee we will have a session with pure flow? No. The best surfer in the world can't do much on a flat ocean. I do not control flow. But, even without flow, we can still enjoy classic bdsm, which is intense, challenging and powerful.  I have so much more detail to share, techniques that help open our bodies, exercises to release the ego mind, but all that is putting the carriage in front of the horse. For now this is enough logical description. Your next step is to try it. To feel the embodied experience. So, would you like to dance? Will you surf the waves of Flow with me?

Book Your Tantric Domination Session with MK Mercury


Ambler, J. K., Lee, E. M., Klement, K. R., Loewald, T., Comber, E. M., Hanson, S. A., ... & Sagarin, B. J. (2017). Consensual BDSM facilitates role-specific altered states of consciousness: A preliminary study. Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice, 4(1), 75.


Sagarin, B. J., Lee, E. M., & Klement, K. R. (2015). Sadomasochism without sex? Exploring the parallels between BDSM and extreme rituals. Journal of Positive Sexuality, 1, 32-36.

iFet Inspections: Fetish Factory 20th Anniversary Extravaganza

Photographer -   Victor Valyrian, HumanEX Photos

Photographer - Victor Valyrian, HumanEX Photos

Can you imagine 4 consecutive days of fetish parties, BDSM play, and naughty adventures in a tropical paradise? Now, imagine more than 1000 kinksters taking over an entire 5-star hotel to join such festivities. This dream exists and it happens every year in sunny Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. It's the Fetish Factory Anniversary weekend! I was lucky to be a part of this year's 20th installment and I'm still recovering from one of the best extended parties of my life! 

 Fetish Factory store owner and creator of the event, Glenn Catapano, was pleased to announce that this year they had so many kinksters attending that they needed to book a second hotel for the extra guests! As one of the very first fetish festivals in the United States, in 1995, FF started out of a need from the kink community. Glenn recounts how their “customers wanted to bring their intimate fetish pleasures out in the open. While there were kink events at the time, most of them were private play parties. Fetish Factory combined the love for BDSM play with the passion for fetish fashion and glamour.” Now, the event is one of the top fetish & kink events worldwide. 

 We arrived at the Renaissance Marriott on Thursday, May 20th, checked into our elegantly decorated room and immediately started getting ready for the first event of the weekend: Chill Lounge Cocktail poolside party. The tropical Florida weather makes it ideal for skimpy outfits, although many guests ventured into full latex catsuits and most ended up in the hotel pool for refreshing midnight swims. As a kink party veteran, the opportunity to enjoy a lounging poolside environment in fetish was a welcome novelty. The pool became a meeting point throughout the weekend, day and night.

Photographer -   Victor Valyrian, HumanEX Photos

Photographer - Victor Valyrian, HumanEX Photos

For those still searching for the perfect outfit for the weekend's many festivities, a courtesy limo shuttle service to the Fetish Factory megastore was provided Thursday to Saturday from 1pm until 6pm. With a massive 6000+ square feet showroom (500m2), one could easily lose 3-4 hours in the blink of an eye. They stock a wide variety of styles for men, women and androgynous folk, with latex, leather, PCV, neoprene, corsets, collars, BDSM equipment and of course an amazing selection of fetish shoes and boots. This really is the one stop shop for all your kinky needs. Aside from the shopping delights, visiting the store was also  a fun opportunity to meet other guests and socialize while playing dress ups. It’s always nice to get a second opinion when there are so many fabulous outfits to choose from! And with the special event discounts of up to 30% off, it was hard to resist the rare fetish bargains. They even gave us complimentary flip-flops with every purchase; which turned out to be very practical after days of sky-high stilettos!

 If you were done shopping and the hot sunshine was not your cup of tea, there was also a fully equipped dungeon in one of the large conference rooms. So guests could play to their hearts content in the comfort of a refreshing air conditioned environment. 

 The three big evening events (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) were a whirlwind of latex beauties, leather beasts, and crafty creatures in sparkly fashions, oiled muscle gods, and a smorgasbord of fetish. My favorite party was the Saturday event, The FF Anniversary Ball, as the DJs were phenomenal and the spacious open air venue hosted a variety of play spaces, thus pleasing dancers and players alike. All nights were graced with dazzling entertainers such as the sexy tribal fire acrobat Holy Scar and the original Rubberella: Jean Bardot. 

And for the cherry on top, each evening ended at the poolside after parties, where guests could bring their fetish to a more casual level, often showing a lot more skin and with more impromptu play scenes in the little cabanas. And as one may expect, some players were even found doing some extreme play by the pool and were asked to take it to a more private space. Naughty, naughty... It's hard to know where to draw the line at play events, but the organizers were great at keeping the guests informed of rules and "no-no's" via email and the dedicated Twitter page, so after the few faux-pas, people became very well behaved, still maintaining a healthy level of perversion.


Photographer -   Victor Valyrian, HumanEX Photos

Photographer - Victor Valyrian, HumanEX Photos

Sunday afternoon was the official Pervy Pool party, an event like no other in the world. Latex swimwear and a variety of tropical fetish fashions come out to play and splash around the pool and spa. Mind you, although Sunday was the official pool party, there was much latex frolicking by the pool every single day of the festival. So if you're a fetish fashion victim, be sure to prepare a different poolside attire for each day. And remember your oil-free sunscreen, parasols, and handheld fans as the sun is seriously HOT in Florida!


By Monday morning, I was exhausted but satisfied. We took a late check out on Monday, but I recommend checking out of the hotel on Tuesday. That way, you’ll be able to recover unrushed and say goodbyes to the inevitable new fetish family you'll create if you attend Fetish Factory in the future. Parting ways is such sweet sorrow, but the "fet-lag" can be cured by knowing that we can always reconnect next year in the same fet-time and fet-location to do it all again! 

Fetish Factory hosts monthly kink parties throughout the year and the anniversary event is usually held during Memorial Day Weekend, in the end of May. 

Be sure to plan early for next year! Tickets usually go on sale in January, and you can only stay at the hotel if you get the VIP all access pass. Hotels get booked out as early as March, so plan ahead to avoid disappointment. For all the info and to sign up to their newsletter, check:  


 And join the Fetish Factory Facebook group to connect with friends past and future: 


Photographer -   Victor Valyrian, HumanEX Photos

Photographer - Victor Valyrian, HumanEX Photos

Article originally published on iFet.com, July 2015.

Fet Hacks: Summer Edition

20 Tricks and Tips to Simplify & Amplify your Fetish Experiences in Tropical Weather

As a native of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, I grew up in tropical weather. In the tropics, because it’s warm (or stinking HOT) for most of the year, architecture and culture is based around keeping you cool. Most buildings have fans and/or air conditioning and fashion promotes thin fabrics and sun protecting accessories (see tip #20). But in many northern hemisphere cities, such London and Oslo, Norway, where I currently live, the opposite is true. Culture is based on keeping people warm. Houses have insulation against the cold, but are not well ventilated for the (now more common) heat waves during summer. Public transport and night clubs are often not equipped with air conditioning strong enough to work at over 30 degrees Celsius (86°F).  And most fetish gear will make you sweat like a pig, which is not overly sexy, so we kinksters often end up avoiding play due to the discomfort. But that does not have to be the case.  Australia has a thriving fetish & kink community, so to manage the heat that pervades for most of the year, we must be creative to achieve our perverted goals. Many of the tips described below may appear to be common sense, but I was surprised how many people in the Nordics never thought of these. So grab yourself a cold drink and start taking notes to enjoy your pervy fun during the summer or when traveling to the tropics.

At the Club...

Fetish clubbing can be a hot affair even during the winter. Fetish venues can easily get too warm if events are at full capacity. During the summer, air conditioners may not work as efficiently. Add to that dancing, whipping and a lot of fetish wear and you’ll get steamy mirrors as if you were in a sauna. An ounce of prevention can help you keep cool through the night.

1) Keeping Cool in Latex

Latex is the devil of fabrics. It doesn’t keep you warm in winter and it makes you boil in summer. But you can use the fact it has no insulating properties to your advantage. If you wet latex, the temperature will filter straight to your skin. So when things start getting hot, visit the bathrooms and wet your latex (especially near the neck and shoulders). I usually bring a hand towel to the clubs so I can wet it and then run it over my legs, back and chest. But paper towels also do the trick. Be polite for your fellow party goers and avoid leaving a slippery mess on the bathroom floor (club/party organizers check tip #8 to avoid this becoming a hazard).

2) Hydrate-Hydrate-Hydrate

Do I need to say this? Yes, no matter how much people know that they need more water in summer, alcohol tends to make us forget. So make it a routine to alternate alcoholic drinks with a glass of water. This is particularly important if you’re wearing latex or other warm fetish gear.  

3) A wet towel can save your night

Even if you’re not wearing latex, take a small face cloth to the party. It’s a small addition to your toy bag and all you need to do is wet it in the restrooms and run it over your neck, behind the ears, around the wrists and over shoulders. The evaporation of the moisture on your skin will cool you down. And you can repeat as often as you need to stay fresh. For extra coolness, grab a glass of ice from the bar to make the water really cold!

Splashing around in latex is ever so fun!  MKM at Montreal Fetish Weekend

Splashing around in latex is ever so fun!  MKM at Montreal Fetish Weekend

4) Make up & Hair savers

Your face and head release a lot of our body heat, hence, one can easily get a sweaty face before the rest of the body is sweating. This is a big enemy to your hair and makeup. But there are tricks to keep looking fresh through the night. First, if you have long hair, put it up. Choosing hairdos that move hair from your face and neck are better to avoid heat. Avoid wearing full hoods and heavy hats during summer as these will block the heat from being released through your scalp. Use hair pieces (pony tail style) instead of wigs, or if you must wear a wig, choose a short haired style.

For makeup, always bring a compact powder so you can blot out oiliness and sweat through the night. Some makeup companies offer blotting paper towels specifically for this purpose. Also use waterproof mascara and eyeliner, so they don’t run when you start to sweat. I always recommend 24h lipstick for fetish events year round, to avoid kissing off your lipstick and constantly having to reapply. In summer, a 24h lipstick also reduces smudging from sweating.  

5) Folding fans

During the summer, I always carry a folding fan in my handbag. Not only do they give you your personal hand powered “breeze” but they are also very stylish and can become a practical accessory to your fetish costumes. If you forgot your fan or don’t have one, just find an A4 sheet or a flyer and fold it up into vertical gates so in the end you have a little personal fan.


6) Explore tropical role plays & outfits

Captive of natives in a tropical island, Caribbean voodoo queen & victim, Lifeguard, kidnapping (considering some South American countries have some of the world’s highest rate of kidnapping, you could make this rather authentic), Carnaval (Mardi Gras), bikinis, feathers and tropical prints can be fetishised too! I’ve done a role play where the Brazilian samba dancer seduces an unsuspecting Hawaiian shirt wearing “gringo” (foreigner/tourist) and proceeds to then tie him up and take control.     

What NOT to wear: Avoid overly warm materials such as fur and leather. Leather will get moldy when you sweat too much in it. Furries should either travel to the opposite hemisphere (seasonal fetish migration) or invest in an industrial strength air conditioner for their events.

*For Club & Party Organisers:

The next four tips are especially for people managing fetish clubs or hosts of fetish parties. The responsibilities of hosting a fetish event will vary with the seasons. I’m not here to teach you how to run your event (that’s another article altogether). These are just a couple of summer tips to make sure your guests have a comfortable time.  

7) Air Conditioning & Fans

With the advent of climate change, even countries with a history of mild summers (eg. Norway & the UK) have recently been getting heat waves. Don’t hope for the best, make sure your space has air-conditioning capable of handling your crowd. A house party with 25 people in 25 degrees is cozy, if the heat goes up to 30 degrees, you’ll need at least 2-3 fans to keep your crew refreshed. For a bigger event, you will definitely need air-conditioning (unless it’s an outdoor event). If you don’t own the venue, you can use mobile air-conditioning units. These are not too expensive and easy to install and pack away once your party is done.   

Swimming in Latex at Fraser Island, Australia

Swimming in Latex at Fraser Island, Australia

8) Wet Room

The toilets at big parties always get a bit messy. This gets worse in the summer. Double up your bathroom cleaner routine. If you promote people to wear latex at your event, provide some large cloth towels for people to wet for the latex refresh technique. If your toilets happen to have a shower, set that up as the “wet room” to keep all the water splashing to one location. Be sure to put “Watch out! Slippery Wet Floor”.  Line the floor of the area with non slip tape and provide plastic seats in the shower to prevent falls. High heels and wet tiled floors are not the best of friends…   

9) Jelly Wrestling, Foam parties & other “Spring break” hacks

If you can’t fight the heat, use it to your advantage! Tropical holiday destinations have already solved this problem, so you don’t need to reinvent the wheel, so take some of their ideas and make it fetish! A large plastic children’s pool can easily become a jelly wrestling pit. But rather than make it messy with regular store bought jelly (which takes ages to set in the fridge) get the jelly directly from jello wrestling companies. Some of them offer different colors or even better to reduce staining potential: CLEAR Jelly! These purpose jelly kits don’t have sugar and they can be easily disposed after the party is done. Other ideas requiring more planning and investment are foam parties, latex pool parties or water gun fights. Yes, these are messy ideas and not applicable to all venues. But if you are planning to run an event in summer, you can make the “mess” part of the theme for the event, so people dress accordingly: to get messy!  



10)  Theme it up

Many fetish parties around the world use themes to inspire the guests to dress in the same style for the event. For example, “Back to school” events bring out the naughty students and strict teachers while “Guerilla” promotes all sort of military and camouflage dress ups. Theme your events according to the season. Like tip#6, promote costumes that match a summer role play. Here are some fun summer themes that will match with skimpy outfits fit to handle the heat:  Toga/Gladiator/Egyptian, Gods & Goddesses, Beach, Carnaval, and science-fiction.         

MKM & Ms Penelope Dreadful enjoying some shade in the Queensland sun.

MKM & Ms Penelope Dreadful enjoying some shade in the Queensland sun.

In the Dungeon & Bedroom

In the winter, people may shy away from play because getting naked can be a challenge. However, summer brings some interesting challenges and options for play. Don’t let the heat ruin your fun, use it to your advantage.

11) Ice Stimulation

Use ice cubes within your sensation play. I normally alternate with candle wax for a hot and cold contrast, but in summer the skin is already so hot that the ice alone creates this effect. Just tie up your sub and run the ice slowly over the skin, or overwhelm them with splashes of cold water. Make sure you use a towel underneath them as things will get wet.  

12) Watersports (Golden Showers)

 Summer is the best time to do watersports (urination play). So if you’re into it set up a space and go nuts! I love setting my sub in a bath and then covering them in my golden nectar. In winter, I usually fill ¼ of the bath in warm water first. In the summer, you can use cool water instead, and again setting a lovely temperature contrast between the water and your body fluids.

13) Body Worship/Sweat humiliation

When things get sweaty in summer, use it to your advantage. Make your sub lick your sweat or make it drip over them as part of their humiliation dose in the session. I love doing body slides during summer as the sweating helps with the slipperiness.

14) Chastity Devices, extra summer precautions

Chastity lovers must be more careful during summertime. The extra sweating and heat increases the potential for chaffing in the private areas. So carry some baby wipes with you for refreshing yourself through the day, or reduce the number of hours you wear the device during summer months.  

Show off your skin in the summer months, MKM at London Fetish Weekend.

Show off your skin in the summer months, MKM at London Fetish Weekend.

15) Fans, Air con and Wet Towels

Summer time play requires some adjustments to the dungeon set up. Get a portable fan or air conditioner to keep your play space/bedroom cool. Things usually heat up during play and sex, so you’ll need extra cooling if you want to keep playing before you overheat from all that vigorous spanking and thrusting. Keep one or two wet towels handy as well for wiping off sweat as the frolicking gets more intense.

16) The fridge is your friend

Put your massage lotions and aloe vera gel in the fridge for a refreshing touch to your regular day of pampering. But beware, when you are getting massaged, your body can cool down fast, so keep a large towel handy to cover the body parts that cool down quickest (for example, the feet). You can also put a bottle of lube in the fridge for an erotic and refreshing touch to genital massages and anal play. On that note, you can also place pyrex glass and metal dildos in the fridge for cold insertions. Your sub is in for a surprise!  

When it’s so hot to wear anything at all, you can add an extra treat to your sub by putting their undies in the freezer. This trick does not last long, but the cooling sensation is very erotic. Combine with the ice play and all of a sudden the heat is your friend, not your enemy.

Activities to avoid:

 Fire play, candlewax, deep heat (Tiger balm), hoods, wigs, outfits that cover you up too much (Victorian gowns, latex catsuits, furry suits).

Outdoors & Day-to-Day

Even Darth Vader deserves a space in the shade.

Even Darth Vader deserves a space in the shade.

17) Dress accordingly & Keep your head cool:

Take the club advice and apply it to your everyday. Choose soft airy fabrics, reduce the amount of skin you cover, and avoid covering your head. If it gets too hot, cooling your face and head will produce an overall body cooling effect. So again, wet a cloth and dab your neck and back of the ears. Bring a cotton scarf and wear it wet around your neck for a constant fresh feel or use it as a refreshing cloth for other body parts as well.   

18) Umbrellas & parasols. In Australia, most gothic girls (and many boys) carry a parasol on a daily basis. Shade is not always available and the strong sun will get absorbed by your black clothes and cook you. Having your own portable shade reduces this effect dramatically. Not to mention it will also protect your pristine white skin from the sadistic ball of fire in the sky. Many companies make gorgeous parasol and umbrellas so that the accessory will actually enhance your Victorian outfits.



19) Walk on the shady side of the street:

This sounds like common sense. People in the tropics have a radar for shade. But in colder climates, the opposite is true. So you need to set your brain to the season. In the city, unless it’s the middle of the day, the buildings will often produce shade at least in one side of the street. So cross the road to be  in the shade. It makes a huge difference.

Choose role plays that suit a skimpy outfit. MKM as Voodoo Queen with Marquis Embassador, Nicci Tristan.

Choose role plays that suit a skimpy outfit. MKM as Voodoo Queen with Marquis Embassador, Nicci Tristan.

20) Spare shirt, socks & towel:

If you will attend some outdoor fetish event, such as a street fair or parade, and your outfit is really warm, take a spare set of fresh clothes so you can get changed at the end of it. Most pubs will let you use their bathrooms, and then you can make your way home in comfortable clothes. I often dress up in fetish at home and get changed after, but if your outfit is easy to get on and take off, you can also do the same procedure before the event. Wear comfy cool clothes to the location, get changed, party and reverse the procedure at the end of the event. If you’re wearing boots, fresh socks will make a world of difference for your sweaty feet after a parade. Also take a towel so you can wipe off your sweat before getting into your fresh clothes.   

Print out this guide and keep it near your fetish gear so you remember these tips when you’re getting ready to venture out into the heat. We have enough discomfort from tight corsets, crazy high heels and restrictive clothing. Being uncomfortably warm can be avoided if you so wish. But be cautious! Too much cooling can also give you a cold, and summer storms can get a blazing day to drop 10 degrees with little warning. So even in the summer, take a scarf, sarong, towel or cotton sweater in case you get some chills.

Happy Summer Shenanigans! Be Hot, but stay cool!

Sizzling Spanks!

Mistress Mercury

Article originally published in 2 parts on iFet.com, July 2015.

My Favorite Kinks- Part 2

Photographer - Victor Valyrian - humanEXPhotos

Photographer - Victor Valyrian - humanEXPhotos

My clients and admirers often ask me what type of fetishes I like the most. As much as a list of fetishes can be of help, I’ve always wanted to go into more details to explain what I really get from each of my kinks and what I feel my subs enjoy from it. Last month, I shared the first half of my favorite kinks… But I love so many things, that I couldn’t fit them all in one blog. So, without much further ado, these are a few MORE of my favorite kinks!

10) Golden Showers:

Water sports, piss play, toilet training are all forms of what I could easily have qualified as one of my top three favorite kinks. There’s something visceral about urinating on someone; a nearly beastlike feeling that I get. For me, golden showers (GS for short) are fun for two main reasons. First there is the sheer delight in the physical sensation of urination. Releasing all that built up pressure, feeling all of it flow out tickling my nether lips in the process. It even seems sometimes that the warm flow presses on my G spot, especially if I squeeze particularly hard. For me, the simple act of peeing is extremely erotic. How naughty to get turned on about such a private and taboo activity. And that takes me to the second reason I love giving GS: the mind fuck.

Aside from the physical pleasure I get from releasing my golden nectar, the fact that I have an eager human toilet to collect all of it takes it to another level. The contrast between the warm and arousing sensations with the usual societal symbolism around the act gives you a mind spin. There’s humiliation for the receiver and the need to prove oneself as a devoted pet. As a cruel sadist, I love to see you twisting around your own convoluted mental twists. “It’s so hot, but it’s so naughty. But it’s my Goddess, and I’ll do anything for her.” Yes, you will. And Mistress Mercury will give you her golden blessing; a baptism into some of the deepest levels of surrenders you may ever feel.          

11) Humiliation (private or public):

Twisting your head into a knot is even so fun… Humiliation play is quite interesting as it varies from person to person. What is embarrassing for you may be a walk in the park for me. So primarily, I aim to learn about my submissives’ perspectives of societal norms, their prides and their shames. And then I can experiment with insults and taunts that will actually elicit emotional reactions. Each one is at their own stage of development. So I can only go as deep as I feel a sub is ready to go. Humiliation can be fun and playful, but it can also easily cross boundaries. So be prepared to learn some lessons in the process. And all this is just for the private humiliation…. Doing it in public adds yet another level of challenge. And I love a challenge!

12) Nipple Torture:

I like to tease and torture many parts of a sub’s body, but there’s something about the nipples that keep my attention coming back throughout the session. It is such a sensitive spot so they're perfect for pinching and teasing. Any pain based play gets intensified when applied to the nipples: clamps, flogging, candle wax, scratching, violet wands... Hmmm... I can’t help grinning just thinking about it! So strategically located between the face and the groin, such excellent anchor points for any form of predicament bondage. Ah! The Possibilities!

13) Role Play:

Fetish & domination sessions are an opportunity for you to enact your fantasies. BDSM can be like a theatre; in our pre-session contact we can co-write the script for the scene. Then during the session, you're the main actor while Mistress plays the lead actress and director. We can play classic fantasies such as head mistress and student in trouble, boss lady and maid/servant, or goddess and worshipper.  The options for role plays are only limited by your imagination! I love the variety of engaging in different roles so don't be shy about sharing your ideas! 

14) Sensation play: Deprivation & Exploration

Blindfolds or a basic long scarf will temporarily remove your sight, which immediately enhances the other senses. Hearing the click-clack of my high heels on the wooden floor hints my approach. But what will I do next? Masking extra senses adds another layer of surrendering to my control. A gag will remove your ability to speak, turning you into some form of animal that can only moan and groan.  Combined with bondage, this simple game can be quite effective at taking you away from the real world and into the palm of my hand.

Sensory removal enhances physical sensations in one direction, but one can also go the other way and add intense sensations, or mix them up. So while one may be gagged and blindfolded, Mistress might ramp up the skin sensation with a pinwheel or other sharp objects, tickling and scratching. Or bondage may be combined with headphones playing music specially selected to make you aroused, humiliated or frustrated. This is especially fun for subs that pride themselves in their music taste; so many irritating yet catchy pop songs to fill your head with while I probe your body. Mistress loves to overwhelm her subs, and sensation play gives me so many options!

15) Smoking & Ashtray play:

Mistress used to smoke more regularly during her rebellious years backpacking through Europe. Now I only smoke once in a while, at parties or depending on the company. But she make an exception for certain sessions, especially when it fits in with the role-play. There’s something extremely seductive about an evil villainess who will force smoke into her victim’s mouth. Also, if there is no ashtray close by, a slave should be ready to hold the cigarette ashes on his hand, or mouth for the more experienced ones. Again, a cigarette or cigar can simply become an extra implement with which Mistress can tease and torture you. And for the record, as many of you have asked me… No, I don’t burn cigarettes on your skin. That would leave permanent marks which are against my discretion policy (see below).  

16) Tickling:

One of biggest enjoyment I get from dominating my subs is the reaction I get from what I inflict upon them. A sub that moans, groans, twists in their bondage and shivers from my touch is more satisfying for me than a sub that holds still in silence no matter what I am doing to them. If I wanted a statue, I would have one made. But men are often not used to being on the receiving end of sexual activities, so it might take some time to train them to communicate the pleasure or pain they experience at my hand. Tickling is a great way to do that. Of course, not everyone is ticklish, but most people have sensitive spots that make them react strongly. And tickling is somewhere between sensual and hilarious, so it doubles as a good humiliating technique. A sub may have a strong pain tolerance and will power to not react from the strikes of my whips, but few people can withstand being tied and tickled. Pushing boundaries with tickling can be such sweet torture… What’s not to love? 


Safety & Consent: All activities are performed under strict safety guidelines, always with the use of safewords and other methods to maintain a consensual scene. Any references to “forced” or apparently non-consensual behavior are all within the pre-negotiated role play for the scene.

Discretion Policy & Permanent Marks: Mistress is a professional, and as much as we may enjoy the game of cat & mouse, we both understand that is a controlled form of fantasy fulfillment. Mistress understands that you have a normal life outside the dungeon where your body could be under scrutiny. Many of my submissives are married or have girlfriends who do not know about their kink. Hence, discretion is very important for them and of course for me too. It is not in my benefit to leave permanent marks on your body to be found by your significant other and get you in trouble. That makes you less likely to returning to play with me, and that does not please me. So rest assured that Mistress always takes care to not leave marks on your body. Of course, if you are a fan of play that creates marks (as for instance caning), you will need to plan your sessions allowing for a few days for skin recovery in order to not get caught.

And a note about significant others:

If kink and fetish were more widely accepted, many of my clients would be able to approach the subject and play with their significant partners. However, BDSM is still relatively taboo, especially the idea of a submissive male. Many women would think less of their husband if they found out that they like to be cross dressed, bound, gagged and spanked, so sharing these fantasies with their love partner is scary. And even the women that might be accepting of their partner’s fetishes, it doesn’t mean they will be willing to be a part of them. Playing the dominant role requires many skills and effort, and it’s not for everyone. Research shows that dominants usually take up about 10-20% of the kink population, and probably less than half of those are female.

It is understandable that men whose fetishes may only occur only in a part time basis will chose to keep their secrets from their partners. I know so many men who love their wives, family and vanilla life, but who once in a while indulge in their fantasies with me. This is a healthy habit. Fetishes and fantasies don’t go away, they eat at your brain and curiosity often gets the best of us. Professional dommes do a great service for the institution of marriage by allowing men to express their vulnerable submissive side without jeopardizing love relationships that would not tolerate this expression from them.

Now, there are also women who accept their men being submissive, and for those couples, I recommend couples coaching sessions where I can teach both partners the skills to be able to play better in their personal life. I love teaching aspiring dommes the kink techniques and attitudes that will help them find their own domme style. Dominance and submission are both journeys of self discovery. I love being a guide for couples who want to explore that journey together, and especially to share some of the delightful benefits of having a submissive partner with my fellow ladies in charge. But that is yet another story, for another day… 

Article originally published on iFet.com, July 2015.

My Favourite Kinks- Part 1

“Mistress, what sort of things do you do in a session?”

New subs often ask me that question and although up until now I have sent them to my website,  but I’ve been meaning to go into more  detail about them for some time… What are these fetishes and kink activities and why do I love them so much? A dictionary would do an adequate job of explaining the «what», but unfortunately in such a dry manner that it’s hard to understand the “why”. So, without much further ado, here are a few of my favourite kinks!

1).  Body Worship: Most submissive males approach a Mistress in awe of Her superiority, Her beauty, and Her grace. A common desire in offering their submission is to worship Her as a Goddess. In the vanilla world, “worship” is usually connected to religion and prayer, and in modern religions prayer is not quite a physical activity, so this term can be confusing for new subs. However, in many pagan and other pre-Christian traditions, the physical body was used to connect to the divine. Many religious rites used to involve sexual interaction and dance. When I think of body worship, I try to bring back some of those ancient rituals. I see myself as a priestess, embodying a Goddess during sessions. My subs are serving not just me, but the essence of feminine power. This doesn’t have to become a religious rite and in fact many of my subs are atheists. Body worship is a ritual of praise for the feminine form. Each sub will feel a stronger connection and turn on from different parts of my body. Some will focus on my feet (read more about this further down). Others are intoxicated by kissing and licking my legs or bottom. While some prefer to be smothered between my breasts, others prefer to show their adoration by combing or caressing my long hair. Many of my devoted pets like a mixture of all of this as it’s not just the body part they adore, but myself as a whole, as the essence of Goddess. So aside from the usual kisses and licks that are commonly referred as “body worship”, a full body massage, or indulging me in a hot bath, or smelling me head-to-toe are all forms of worship; as is any form of pampering that celebrates beauty and femininity.

The key ingredient for a pleasurable worship session is the sub’s passion for it rather than the activity itself. A sub must kiss and touch my legs as if his life depended on it; showing me his affection, holding my feet lovingly, and memorizing my sensitive spots to send shivers down my spine with his devoted touch.

2).  Bondage and restraint: In spite of knowing quite a lot about bondage, I will admit that I am not a traditional Shibari/Kinbaku Mistress. Yes, I can tie you up and we can have a lot of fun restraining you, but the art of Shibari deserves years of training and dedication. When I began my journey, I wanted to explore a multitude of kinky crafts rather than focusing all my time on one modality. For this reason, I approach rope play from a playful and practical angle. I also know that the majority of bottoms enjoy the removal of control that bondage provides. To struggle and writhe against the restraints (particularly when combined with pain play) allows the submissive to truly feel that they are being held “against their will”, thus enhancing their sense of helplessness in the role-play.

3).  CBT: Cock and Ball Torture may go by a scary name but it doesn’t necessarily need be. Torture, like “play” is a word with wide berth in BDSM. Some play can be painful and some torture can be FUN! It does depend on the receiver’s pain tolerance and general sensitivity in the crotch area. I like to start torture on the mild side of the scale and gradually build it up riding the coattails of my sub’s reactions. And while some men mercy at a scratch and mild pat on the balls, others take blows that may injure the kicker, yours truly. That was the funniest emergency room conversation…

4).  Candle wax/Ice and other hot-cold games: Candles have different melting temperatures, some burn lower, leaving nothing but a small sting; while others burn high enough that one may feel an intense burning sensation for a brief moment. Little drops of intensity, splattered slowly or rhythmically across exposed skin. A deep sigh and the pain is gone. Then ice. Sharp. Piercing. Which one comes next? It’s all at whim of Mistress

5).  Corporal punishment (from light spanking to heavy caning): I could write a book about the joys of “corporal”, “discipline” or any of the many names we give to impact play. A whole chapter would be dedicated to praising textures, how they feel on bare skin. A smooth cane stings sharp. But soft thick leather gives a thud – like a punch. So many nuances to experience! Most people find their favourite sensations, stinging vs. thuddy. I love to bring them that skin pleasure.

The pain can also release the mind and give it rest from the incessant beating of thoughts. Each stroke of the whip cleanses the submissive, the pain helps them surrender, and how I love to see them writhe and wiggle, moan and yelp… Their reactions feed my inner sadist. Stroke by stroke we move together, riding the energy that pain play exalts, in the dance of SM. 

6).  Cross-Dressing and Forced Feminization: Many naughty boys have dreamed of wearing their sister’s fluffy dresses, or the babysitter’s soft scarf… We can go beyond where the dream couldn’t take you and transform little boys into sweet, adorable sissies. Or into hot horny sluts, or many fun characters in between. It’s time to dress up, put on your make up and have a party with Mistress. Some might need more than encouragement- the really shy ones, need to be pushed, bullied and coerced into expressing their more feminine self. Hmmm… so many games, so much fun to be had…

7).  Domestic services (maid training): There is one very special type of sissy, and that is the sissy maid. Not only does she get trained to be girly and slutty, this one must also learn to clean according to Mistress’ high standards. She may have typical household chores, such as scrubbing the floor while making sure to expose her delightful derriere for Mistress’ entertainment. She might have to polish Mistress’ leather shoes or her vast collection of whips. And we may need to test each one to see whether they have been well-softened by the polish. Or when a maid is particularly pretty, I may send her around the block to walk the kitty-cat. Hmmm… That will take a while. I wonder what the neighbors will think.

8).  Face-sitting: It’s so hard being a Mistress… All these tight corsets and vertiginously high heels. Sometimes Mistress just needs a rest. All she needs is a soft warm seat, to relax her ample bottom. A seat that might vibrate with humming. A still, tied up seat which needs little air so Mistress can really relax. Or maybe a moving seat like the massage chairs on a nail parlor, or a mechanical bull in the country fair. All this I can get from my seat made of man, a piece of meat. My Meat Seat.

9).  Foot / Boot / Shoe worship & Trampling: Although I started this entry in the “body worship” section, feet and shoes deserve their own category. The feet have long been known to represent the entire body. Reflexology is the ancient art of mapping the feet such that different areas represent specific parts of the body. So by worshiping Mistress’s feet, subs are worshiping all of my body. I have strong and very responsive feet. A good foot massage is pure heaven for me.

A fetish that usually goes hand-in-hand with foot fetish is trampling. Many foot-lovers enjoy being underneath them, feeling crushed like a bug. The sensation of being walked on is not as painful as one might think- after all many Asian massage parlous offer “walking on the back”. Of course, recipients (or mats, as I call them) will have to be strong to withstand the weight of 6-foot (180m) tall Amazonian Goddess Kalyss. Hey, another benefit for mats - the ordeal makes you stronger. And for me, I get to stretch my feet on a soft “meat mat” and practice my yoga balance. So challenges for the both of us, playful and fun!

Finally, one cannot forget our precious objects of desire, the curves of our dreamy high heeled shoes. There is always more room for gorgeous shoes & boots in Mistress’ wardrobe and room for shoe fetishists whose adoration is for Mistress’ vanity. We both love all that shiny glossy patent leather; all those straps, like bondage for the feet; encasings in diamonds and sparkly decorations, or buckles and spikes for evil-gelical boots. The shapes are so erotic, sharp, smooth and shiny. Heck, it’s a chemistry thing. When we see the shoe, we bond. There is no better explanation.

Part 2: From Golden Showers to Tickling

Disclaimer: All activities are performed under strict safety guidelines, always with the use of safewords and other methods to maintain a consensual scene. Any references to “forced” or apparently non-consensual behavior are all within the pre-negotiated role play for the scene. 


Article originally published on iFet.com, March 2015.

Why is it so “bad” to be vulnerable? Men’s struggle for emotional equality

In the last 100 years, women have taken gigantic steps towards gender equality. But this time, I won't be discussing the feminist agenda. I want to approach a much less debated subject: men’s rights. As women have fought to become equal, they have taken many traditionally "masculine" qualities such as strength, competitiveness and confidence. Many of these masculine qualities are often seen as positive and well desired attributes within personal development.

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MKM's Fetish Shopping in New York City.

 Though the internet has given us access to a myriad of shopping opportunities, some things you should still touch before you buy.  In my blog “The TOP TEN TOYS all dominants should have”, I recommended people visit specialized BDSM shops for some of the items, such as floggers and collars. [link to the blog] Latex clothes are also rather hard to buy without trying them on. So, as I have recently visited the Big Apple, I created a little map to help you peruse New York’s finest fetish & alternative shops. So put your walking shoes on and time to hit the streets!

 We started at Purple Passion, where I bought my first steel boned corset over a decade ago. What a delightful shop with latex, leather, spandex, shiny mesh, in countless styles, shapes and sizes. So many toys, hoods, masks, corsets, and shoes! I lost three hours there and came out with a soft leather flogger for those sensitive body parts, new vampire gloves to replace my good ol' faithfuls, a cute silicone "doggie bone" gag, two jock straps for my pet and a cyber waist coat style top.

 Purple Passion/DV8

211 West 20th Street, Chelsea NY


 While walking to our 2nd stop in the West Village, we came across a little leather shop tucked in a basement flat on Christopher Street - London Leather. They have lots of leather and PVC fetish clothes, corsets, collars and impact toys, but no latex. It’s worth a look as it had decent prices and a good range. No actual website, but quite a bit of stock to check out…

 London Leather

83 Christopher Street, West Village NY


Across the road is another favourite: The Leather Man. Don't be discouraged by the name. Although it is primarily a menswear shop, they also cater for ladies. I saw a fantastic leather cincher for only $180 but unfortunately, it wasn't my size. We ended up grabbing a box of black latex-free nitrile gloves, a silicon tube attachment for my Hitachi wand (for forced orgasm training), a small red "hand-shaped" riding crop and some gorgeous army green leather pants. They even hemmed the pants to the correct length for my pet. Great service with a smile! By the way, both The Leather Man and Purple Passion offer a 10% discount for professional dommes. So be sure to bring your business card!

 The Leather Man

111 Christopher Street

Coming back to West 4th st, we attacked three neighboring shops: Tic Tac Toe (#161), Burlesque (#163? Can’t find it online, but they are all next door to each other) and Pink Pussycat (#167). They all had similar style gear. Lip service costumes, pantihose and stockings, lingerie and of course, shoes! I got some frilly undies, fake eyelashes and black and gold steampunk stillettos for a steal!



On day two, we visited the East Village, to check out the Baroness exclusive boutique. So much shiny, I was cross eyed with all her delightful designs. I grabbed some items for my pet and a black mini skirt to replace the one that ripped in Montreal Fetish Week.

 The Baroness Latex Boutique, 530b East 13th Street (between Ave A & B)


Of course we needed to make a stop at Gothic Renaissance; a feast of velvet coats, Victorian corsets galore, shoes & boots for ladies and gents, AMF molded leather corsets, plenty of custom made accessories and a multitude of styles from Vampiric to Steam Punk. You’ll need at least 2 hours to look through it all…

 Gothic Renaissance

110 4th Ave, NY



 And around the corner, another gem from my Princeton days: Halloween Adventure. This is more focused on the Halloween style dress ups but you’ll still find a wide range of accessories, like the cute miniature top hats and steam punk goggles I got during this visit… A word of warning, some USA fetish parties discourage the use of pre-packaged Halloween costumes as “fetish wear”. So choose wisely.

 Halloween Adventure

2 Entrances: 808 Broadway and 104 4th Avenue, @ 11th St. NY


 For loads of shoes, including Doc Martin boots, and an interesting array of rockabilly, rock, punk, and goth attire, check another NYC must visit:

 Trash and Vaudeville

4 St Marks Pl


 Further south, we visited the Orchard Corset Center which was a delight to visit! If you don’t have a corset yet, this is the place to go. They will measure you and give you advice for which styles suit your body shape best. Their prices were also quite competitive!

 Orchard Corset Center

157 Orchard St, NY


 Wow! Two days and a total of 13 hours of shopping can be exhausting! So I opted for tapas dinner and a cab back to the apartment with so many bags that my pet could barely handle them all...

 I LOVE New York!

 Ms Kalyss Mercury

PS: Use my Google Map to follow the same circuit on your next visit to the Big Apple!

 Article originally published on iFet.com, November 2014.

The Science of Kink

Kinky Greetings! This is Kalyss Mercury- Pro-Domme, BDSM educator & kink researcher. I've been working as a Dominatrix for over 15 years now. Years ago, I noticed how many of my clients had strong emotional reactions during discipline sessions. Many times, they were surprised at how the interaction within the session reduced their stress levels and to a certain extent “reset” them to a more stable mood. My curiosity took off and I consulted my kink library for answers. There were plenty of descriptions of the effects I’d noticed, and a few theories explaining them, but the books I had did not go into the scientific testing of these effects and very few cited actual studies cataloguing BDSM activity. A few weeks of research later and I realised there was very little actual research on the psychological effects of BDSM, at least in what was freely available online. Yes, there were some isolated studies here and there. But they mostly focused on describing the population, as for instance, in terms of their mental stability (many good results for us, but that’s another story). According to the Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex (1990), kinksters make up between 5 and 10% of the United States population, a number that could be an underestimation, due to fears of disclosure. Meanwhile, although statistics vary widely between countries and worldwide cities, homosexuality ranges between 5% and 15% of the population. Yet although population percentages are similar, there is about twice as much research being done on homosexuality than on kinky sex. Why is that?

The numerous campaigns promoting homosexual and queer community equality, (including Pride celebrations around the globe and the more recent marriage equality polemic), have raised awareness for gay rights. As an effect, many academics have taken up research within this community and now there is a lot more data concerning important queer issues, such as youth gay suicide. Research results help create systems to address these issues, and counselors, psychologists and other support networks become more aware and better equipped to help members of the community during troubled times. We are still working towards a more transparent psychological support system, but at least we are moving away from the "anti homosexuality treatments” of the 1950's (as described by Smith, Bartlett, & King BMJ, doi:10.1136/bmj.37984.442419.EE, 2004), http://www.bmj.com/content/328/7437/427.full.pdf+html.

For a majority of kinksters, BDSM is mostly a private interaction, so kink activism is not as vigorous as our flamboyantly fabulous gay pride campaigns. Yet, being a kinkster can also have severe effects on one's life outside the bedroom. The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom has campaigned for years to remove psychological diagnoses for consensual kink activities finally with success in 2012 (https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/dsm-v-revision-project/dsm-v-program-page.html). Surprisingly, some countries (e.g. United Kingdom) still uphold archaic laws which categorize SM as grievous bodily harm if marks are lasting, even if performed between consenting adults (Check the Spanner Trust for more detailed information: http://spannertrust.org/documents/smandthelaw.asp). Although there has been a reduction in convictions against kinksters, as for instance in child custody cases, members of the kink community are still subject to prejudice, bullying and stigma simply because of their bedroom proclivities. Although the media loves the fetish style, the taboo is still there. Interestingly, how come thousands of BDSM fiction stories have not “made it” to a mass market, while 50 Shades of Grey, with all its typos and bad grammar went on to sell millions of copies? 50 Shades portrayed BDSM as something that was “cured by love”, implying that BDSM is still widely accepted as a form of “sickness” with the between the lines message: “If you really love someone, you won’t do that to them.” So, while fetish and kink may be more visible and polemic in popular media, for the general population, including the academic world, BDSM acts are still connected to ideas of trauma, disease and dysfunction. This negative stigma is harmful for kinksters as it assumes that we are damaged individuals, and therefor, we must change this perspective!  

BDSM needs more activism! But I know plenty of kinky folk that have no interest in taking to the streets to fight for our rights. They may only do kinky activities occasionally, or it is threatening for them to disclose their orientation in public. However, one effective way to do BDSM activism without the need for individuals to come of of the closet is kink research! I have been a kink crusader for years now, so the logical step was to join my curiosity with my academic past, and engage in some kink research myself. My passion for this mission is the strongest ally through the challenge of exploring kink issues within a scientific framework. Because the taboo is still there, I've run into trouble repeatedly in the last year, firstly for finding advisors (many of the professors quickly lost interest in chatting with me once I shared what my thesis topic was about) then for getting ethical approval (my proposals were repeatedly turned down due to my target population –kinksters- being “at risk” and “potentially unstable”). Still, all the work was worthwhile, because now I can reach out to the community so YOU can share YOUR views on BDSM & pain in a completely safe and anonymous way. My current research focuses on whether SM has any beneficial/therapeutic effects and how participants cope with pain within an SM context (and within everyday painful activities). And as part of my master’s thesis, I am collecting views from the kink community through an online survey.


The survey is anonymous and we don't even collect IP addresses in order to protect people's privacy. It takes about 20-30 mins to complete depending on the answer choices.

Not Kinky? Not really into pain? New to the scene? No problem! The survey also collects data on everyday pain activities, as it's important to have a comparative control group in the sample.

And even if you don't recognise these effects or agree with my hypothesis, that's even more reason to participate in the survey. We want the survey to reflect all the opinions from the community. If only my fans do the survey, it will create a biased effect.

The more different people participate, the better the sample will represent of our diverse alternative community!

Thank you for helping advance The Science of Kink!

Hugs & Spanks!

M.K. Mercury

Ps: You can keep up with my research findings by liking the FB page https://www.facebook.com/kinkyscience

The Science of Kink project is an initiative to spread the word about past and current research about BDSM & fetish practices. The scientific community is becoming ever more open minded towards studying the kink community and many interesting results are showing up. Knowledge is power, and sharing is caring. Further, the SoK project also reaches out to kinksters to promote participation in ongoing research, most recently for The Benefits of Pain Survey.

 *Article originally published on iFet.com

TOP TEN TOYS all dominants should have.

Many aspiring dominants ask me what they need to get started with their kinky toy arsenal. Fetish toys are usually expensive, so this list will give you my favourite and most versatile toys. Of course, what you get will be strongly guided by your own personal fetish interests - this is just a guide for beginners who have no clue what to get first. As your toy box grows, you'll figure out what your own favorites are!


1) Collar

A good quality leather collar will last you a lifetime and you'll ALWAYS find use for it in sessions. It's the one item that fits 90% of fantasies and which immediately puts your sub in a subservient mode. Alternative: a thick and sturdy rubber collar is also versatile for watersports. ;-)

2) Rope

You could spend some money on leather restraints, but you can do a lot more with rope. Start with a simple cotton cord from hardware or sailing/marine shops, where you can buy it by the meter. Get 25 meters, and cut it into 2x 2.5m(wrists), 2x 5m(feet & legs), 1x 10m (body harness). Rope enthusiasts & Shibari/Kunbaku artists will have their specs for how long rope should be, and which fibers are best. But for a beginner (unless you're crazy about bondage and want to jump into that straight away), basic soft cotton works. Just be sure that the rope is between 8mm to 15mm: too thin will dig into the skin making it too painful; too thick will be hard to knot and will get loose too easily. While you’re at it, you might want to do some research on rope bondage safety, as playing with ropes can be hazardous if you’re not aware of what you’re doing.  

3) Clamps or clothes pegs.

Pegs are fun and cheap little toys that can be attached to sensitive regions. Think: nipples, labia, testicles, or even other body parts. I love placing them on earlobes. The pressure cuts circulation to the area making it numb. Once removed, the blood returns to the area giving an intense sensation. To test the strength of the pegs, place them on the webbing of your fingers (or other sensitive spots, if you dare) so you get a feel for what your sub is experiencing… 

4) Flogger

This is one item worth investing in, if you ask me. Go to a specialized fetish/BDSM shop. Buying online when you don't have experience is a nightmare. I recommend starting with a soft leather flogger with strands 8-10mm thick and 50-100cm/INCHES long. Shorter floggers are easier to manage and aim than really long ones. Run the leather against your skin and give your thigh some stronger whacks. I always recommend all doms (beginners or not!) to try toys on themselves first to get a feel for the sensation (watch out for my upcoming Impact Play 101 video blog for more tips!). Check the fetish shops list on iFet’s marketplace corner [Link to marketplace] 

5) Riding crop

Warning!!! Many sex shops sell poor quality riding crops. You're better off getting actual crops from equestrian shops. The key here is to make sure the tip is wide (~3cm across) and made of sturdy leather. You should be aiming to only hit with the tip avoiding the rod part as that will give the effect of a cane, a much harsher toy (not recommended for beginners).  

6) Strap-on harness, attachments & vibrations

 A note of warning, this accessory is mainly for the ladies, yet again, hollow ones/strap-on sleeves are available at some web-shops, so the gents might appreciate this option anyway. Besides, extra “cocks” or vibrators are always a good thing around greedy sluts when your biological cock wants to have a break!

 At this point, we are just discussing the hardware (stay tuned for the theory in the coming weeks). Now aside from anal play, dildos can also be used for other orifices. If you want to turn your sub into a little slut, then all holes should be explored. One of the benefits of using a strap-on is that you can use a different dildo for each purpose. So for your starter kit, the most important piece (ie. what you should spend most money on) is the harness. The first harness I got way back was a silly glorified PVC panty which fell apart within the first year of use. However, it taught me all that a strap on should NOT be. So here is your cheat sheet so you don’t have to go through the trouble I had:

A. For durability, you want your harness made of leather. Some rubber fetishists will vouch for their rubber harnesses, but these are harder to find, and the ones available at sex shops tend to be made of soft latex. It may feel good to wear, but it will likely tear once your sub can take more vigorous thrusting...

B. Straps should be adjustable. The harness should fit you snugly, so each band should be adjustable for your comfort and ease of use.

C. It should accommodate different dildo sizes. One of the great advantages of "strapping one on" is that you can swap cocks for different functions. So, don’t short change yourself with a single dildo harness.

D. The cock hole (where you'll attach the different dildos) should sit on your pelvis. This is a pet peeve of mine... I don’t understand how so many of the harnesses available place the cock hole somewhere between the crotch and the belly button... What the...? Do you thrust with your pelvic bone or with your tummy? A dildo should sit where a cock would be (if the wearer had a natural penis).

With one sturdy harness that fits you well, you can start trying different cocks. As a start, get your three musketeers: 1) a thin long dildo (5-6inches long, 1inch thick), 2) one of similar length but thicker (1.25-1.5inches thick), and 3) something a bit thicker and longer to aspire towards (and for humiliation/threat play). Let’s not forget d'Artagnan, the 4th musketeer. This is a medium (same as #2), and soft, bendy dildo to be used only for oral training. Why soft? So it will curve into your sub’s throat, reducing training time dramatically. A rigid/solid dildo will keep banging into the back of the throat without going deeper (which is what our subby sluts are gagging for). Fellatio training is also on the list of future blogs. Stay tuned!

Finally, as part of this “item”: Vibrators are always fun toys to own. No point advising on type as it’s usually a very personal choice. I have a variety, some small bullets to strategically place between the strap-on harness and my undies, handheld dildo vibes, and powerful plug in the wall 7-speed “body massagers”. If you’re anything like me, you’ll end up collecting vibes and dildos. I love displaying my wall of cocks. 

7) Inflatable vibrating butt

Anal play gets a bad rap as being too risque for girls ("only sluts do that") or boys ("only gay guys do that"). Yet, there is no reason to fear it. I will elaborate more on the physiological and psychological implications of anal play in a different article. But suffice to say, if you choose to venture into the back door of desire, you might easily fall prey to the thousands of shiny, rubbery, and shapely insertibles available on the market. The best way to start is with a small or medium inflatable plug. That way after a bit of slow fingering, the plug can be inserted and slowly inflated as the recipient gets accustomed to the sensations. If you find one with a vibrating function all the better! A little vibration adds extra pleasure, and for those newbies still lost in the mental taboo of this type of play, the vibration intensifies the sexuality of the experience. Anal play deserves a few blog entries, so send in your questions on the topic, and I will can expand your horizons... A-hem!

 PS! Make sure to read #10 thoroughly for some good tips on hygiene and cleaning up! 

8) Blindfold

Although there is a massive range of blindfolds available, you can probably save some cash on this item by using a long silk scarf instead.   

9) Vampire gloves, sensation play toys.

The key about sensation play is texture. Here you might tie up and blindfold your submissive/bottom and then run a variety of different textures over their skin. Fur, feathers or suede are great for the soft range. The strands of a flogger work great for this! On the sharp side, a surfers waxing comb or a spiky goth bracelet are great fun and easy to find. Vampire gloves are leather gloves covered in tiny spikes. They are a bit expensive but totally worth it! http://www.stockroom.com/Vampire-Gloves-P2114.aspx ->NOTE To Peter: maybe your web crew can arrange an affiliate connection for promoting their products (return link?)


Alternatively, you may want to try the knitted vampire gloves, which are washable, so great if you get a bit carried away and draw a bit of blood. Love Bites:


10) Condoms, latex gloves, lube & cleaning.

I always use condoms on my penetration toys. It is safer when you play with multiple people and it makes it a breeze to clean, especially if you're doing anal play (still wash your dildos after each use, even when using condoms!). Disposable latex gloves are also a must for play that involves body fluids. Besides, it adds a medical fetish component to the play.

If you plan on doing genital or anal play, lube is always good to have. I love the Aussie brand Wet Stuff. Yes, that’s really what it’s called. And it’s bloody great, mate!



And last, but not least, the cleaning products. In my dungeon/play kit I always like to have spray bottles of the following:

1. Dettol double dilution (2:1).

2. Soapy water (preferably anti bacterial soap)

3. Viraclean (or your local alternative) hospital grade antibacterial and anti viral cleaner. This must be potent stuff.



I have a lot to discuss on cleaning, but just a quick cheat sheet to start: Different levels of mess will require different levels of cleaning.

1. Skin contact alone; e.g. a light flogging session, or sitting on a spanking bench: use Dettol.

2. Latex Play? Only soapy water will clear away that pesky slippery silicon lube… In some cases, I’ll use soapy water first and THEN Dettol. It doesn’t hurt to double up on the cleaning.

3. Finally, to clean any implements that had direct contact with genital areas and to wipe body fluids leakage on equipment, (e.g. pre-cum, blood), snap on a pair of gloves and use Viraclean and paper wipes.

I usually use antibacterial body wipes or baby wipes for intimate body cleaning.    

If there is a small cut on the body, I apply everyday first aid (clean, disinfect, cover). This might be stating the obvious, but have a basic first aid kit in your play area for one of life’s little accidents (which are more than likely to make a visit or two during your experimentations).

Note: Blood play and urethral sounds will require an extra level of cleaning and disinfecting, but these will be discussed separately, as they are not beginner activities.  

I better stop myself here or it will spill over into my pedantic cleaning procedures. Check my upcoming blogs on “Kinky Kleaning 101” and "How to make safe sex sexier" for more tips!  

Now, time to get the credit card out and fill up your toy box! Kinky Blessings! 

Mistress Kalyss

*Article originally published on iFet.com:

Welcome to iFet Professionals!

I am Mistress Kalyss Mercury, and it is my pleasure to introduce you to iFet's Professionals corner! Here you can learn all about the mysterious world of Dominas, pro-subs and a vast array of other alternative professional services. Are you discovering your kinky side, but too shy to venture out to fetish parties? Professional Dommes or subs can help you get started on your exploration of the "naughty side of sex". Have you ever felt awkward or stressed about your "unusual" fetishes? Fear no more! As kink professionals, we are exposed to a myriad of rare and obscure fetishes. From basic BDSM scenes to elaborate scripted fantasies, here at iFet professionals you will find the lady or gentleman to fulfill your wildest dreams!

That’s not all, however. As a featured blogger, I will be your mentor and guide into the realm of professional & lifestyle BDSM. With my 15 years of experience as a Pro-Domme, fetish model and kink educator, I have so much to share with you! During my extensive world travels, I've had the opportunity to meet and connect with amazing people, learn the nuances of the fetish and BDSM world, and to get up to heaps of wonderfully titillating adventures! Even now, as I write this, I'm on a plane to Australia in order to collect data for my master’s degree in the Neuroscience of Kink (more on that later). Those who already know me will agree that there's never a dull moment at "Camp Kalyss". For those who are just meeting me now, here follows a little background information.

I was born and raised in the "City of Wonders" – Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. My mother and grandmother were both strong, independent Ladies, so I was encouraged to develop my intellect, character and independence at an early age (even in spite of Brazil's macho culture). As a descendant of French nobility, I also learned the art of managing the hired help, a skill that proved invaluable when I took to domming. But I digress...

My stellar academic record in Rio's prestigious EARJ landed me a scholarship to Princeton University, where I was finally able to explore my dark fantasies – first online, then in my escapades to the New York City fetish scene. Even as a teenager, I was already quite sexually experienced for my age, and my thirst for kink knowledge kept growing. I read everything I could find about kink; from Anne Rice's kink erotica and classics such as Story of O, to serious BDSM manuals, magazines, and a load of online trawling. That was my first field research into kinky sex. At age 20, I dabbed into my current passion by writing about the neuroscience of SM for my "Brain & Behaviour" course. Yet, despite the vibrant academic life, Princeton was suffocating my social butterfly personality, so I transferred to Sydney, Australia for my junior year. I immediately fell in love with the country and promptly immigrated after my graduation.

Within a few months of exploring the local Australian fetish scene, my love of kink blossomed into a part time job, which slowly but surely took over my whole life (for the whole story of how I became a professional domina, check:  http://www.kalyssmercury.com/library-mkm/2014/2/12/dominatrix-wanted-will-train). However, even Australia couldn't keep me satiated for long, so I spent years touring the Americas, Europe, and Asia, feeding my endless craving for kink knowledge as I tested fetish scenes, built dungeons and shared my craft with subs and dommes worldwide. In the last 2 years, I have returned to my studies, and I am currently in the final stages of my master’s degree in Cognitive Neuroscience, in Oslo, Norway.

As one of my long term slaves likes to say: "What wouldn't I give to be a fly on the wall in your amazing adventures". Well, thanks to iFet, now you can! This is the space where I will tell you all about my life as a Domme – from practical advice, to saucy real life kink stories and of course, sharing the newest discoveries in BDSM research. Got a question? Fire way! In the coming months, the iFet team will collect your inquiries and I'll address them accordingly. This is just the beginning of a fun and enlightening journey. Don't be a stranger!

Kinky blessings!

Mistress Kalyss Mercury

*Article originally published on iFet.com                       

The Australian FLASH Tour 2014

I can't stay away from Oz for long... So after almost 17 months, Mistress is returning to Australia for a QUICK visit, only 4 weeks! Check out my dates and session tributes below. Because it's such a short visit, I will not have time to do much admin stuff while I am there, so I suggest you BOOK IN ADVANCE, or you may miss your chance.

Sydney, Oct 28-Nov 7.    

Brisbane, Nov 8-20.

Session hours:

Weekdays 11am -8pm.

Weekends: 12pm-5pm.

Session Tributes

(includes dungeon hire):

1H:A$390   1.5H: A$490  2H: A$590    

3H: A$890  Overnight: A$2900

Fetish Photoshoots (3h): A$400

Message me via my contact page or text my Norwegian number to book your session or photoshoot. +47 9766 2284

Spank you SOON!

Ms. Kalyss

"Dominatrix Wanted: Will train."

How did you start working as a Domme? Like most regular jobs, domination begins with training. Obviously, you won't find it on the local community college course list, but at most big cities in the western world, domination houses will provide training for apprentice mistresses. In 1999, I answered a wanted ad and became an apprentice at a domination house in Sydney. I got a limited amount of training, firstly through observing other mistresses in sessions and then slowly participating as a helper in sessions. Within two weeks, I was conducting sessions on my own (looking back that was quite rushed, yet there was a shortage of Mistresses where I was " thrown in the deep end" and had to learn rather quickly).

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